the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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