i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
