Betty ford says i'm here all night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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