at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
