pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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