first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
