He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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