My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
