How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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