It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Less talking, more tequila
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
