Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
