no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
