Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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