you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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