Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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