And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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