My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
