Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
