Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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