U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
