I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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