i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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