Umm I'm too high to move.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
