Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
