If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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