So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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