can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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