Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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