I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
