if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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