he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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