thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
