Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
