i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
