This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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