i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
