I think I won the penis lottery.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
