while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize