do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
