he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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