I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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