It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
