it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
