Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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