Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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