The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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