just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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