In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
