a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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