I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
