I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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