Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
