just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
