i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
