She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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