I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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