What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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