she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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