They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
