I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize