Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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