I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
