he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
