Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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