i jhust puked up my retainher.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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