it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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