In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
