I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want to fling myself into the sun
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize