I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
