my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come on in and take your pants off
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