your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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